Escaping My Anti-Vaccine Upbringing

I don’t think my mom was a fully-fledged anti-vaxxer. She was convinced I had some sort of allergy, which was possible. I believed her. I was a kid, and I was scared. I remember that we had to get some sort of vaccine at school, and my mom brought me a note from the doctor excusing me. Everyone got vaccinated but me. I stuck out like a sore thumb. Kids kept asking me why I wasn’t getting the vaccine, and I was so embarrassed.

When I was around 11, my aunt fell fully into the anti-vax movement. She was an authority figure in my life, so I fell headfirst into it with her. My aunt told Mom all of this ‘information’ and got her on board. She became somewhat of a leader in the movement, starting a Facebook group with thousands of followers.

People would go onto the page to argue with her. I thought they were bullies, and I ran to defend her. I would go on that group page for hours, days on end, fighting with people to protect my aunt. A lot of the things they were saying to her were genuinely vile, and I adored my aunt. She would tell me they’re being paid by Big Pharma. This experience solidified my view of the pro-vaccine community as a kid: they were bullies and abusers. I never wanted to be like them.

When someone I trusted as a kid on YouTube went on a rant about how the world would be better off without anti-vaxxers, it completely shut me out to what the other side had to say. I became completely at the mercy of what I was being taught at home. I defended my aunt for years in this way and warned everyone about the toxins in vaccines.

I was passionate about the issue. My teachers would say something pro-vaccine, and I’d jump in to debate them. I thought I was saving lives and fighting the bullies that wanted to hurt us. In retrospect, I’m embarrassed by my poor arguments.

Eventually, my aunt fell down the alt-right pipeline, and my mom disowned me. My high school realized this all wasn’t normal and put me in touch with the school therapist. This therapist helped me realize I didn’t have my own opinions and that I didn’t need to be like them. I stopped thinking about vaccines.

I managed to graduate with really good grades and go to university. Grants covered most of the costs because, apparently, nobody in my family has ever graduated, and I did while homeless. 

Going to college changed everything. When I was little, Steve Irwin’s show was always playing in the background at my house, so I looked up to him. I got a bachelor’s in Wildlife Conservation and Ecosystem Sciences. While there I learned a lot about viruses, parasites, plastids, prions, etc. I learned how we make vaccines, and I learned they’re not just vials of toxins. They’re weakened versions of the species designed for your body to learn how to fight it off immediately. It’s so cool.

And you know what you need when working directly with wildlife? Vaccines! The first vaccine I ever remember getting was the rabies vaccine. I was so afraid I would have a reaction and would die. I did not die. I did not have a reaction. I was fine.

That was [X] years ago. Fast forward to COVID. I had it before the vaccine was available and was hospitalized. Thankfully I made it through, and the second that vaccine was available, I got it. Having lost people I love to the virus, I am very pro-vaccine now.

I want to make an ending statement. This isn’t my inner hippie coming through. This is a hard-earned lesson. The main sources of our division during and after the pandemic are a lack of education and a lack of community. We will fix nothing at all if we do not fix how we treat one another.

I work with wildlife, so I think of a pack of wolves. These animals will wait with a dying pack member to provide them comfort while they pass. Imagine if, instead, the wolves just started viciously attacking each other. Imagine if wolves could say, “It’s not my job to look out for you,” or “It’s none of my business to pull my weight for the pack.”

Treating each other the way we do today does not build trust. It builds fear and closed-off thinking. You can’t educate someone in a bubble if you’re in another bubble. They won’t trust you. We all need to feel accepted and loved. We want a community to stand by us.

We are on this team together, and I hope we can value that before it is too late.

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